Discipline from Jehovah

Discipline from my Heavenly Father - is what I've been getting, without realising. This one's been a few months long lesson, obviously necessary to drum it into my thick skull. Jehovah knows what we need far better than we ourselves could ever know.

Having had the curses driving me to keep smoking taken away by Jesus, I've still carried on smoking. Doh! It's purely through a lack of self-discipline this time, and I've been getting quite a few hints that this is the case, both through scripture references and things that servants of God have told me. I used to have good self-discipline, but these last few years it's gone to pot. Since, in fact, about the time that demons were directed at our family. Maybe that's why Jehovah has been merciful and patient with me. Still, there's no excuse. And at the end of the day, it's been me that's suffered. But the material loss is nothing compared with the gain I've had in drawing closer to Jehovah and being trained in His ways. Money cannot buy that!

Still, back to the programme. Over the last couple of months, I've started suffering from weak joints. My right knee has been really grievous - the joint twisting right out of place in my sleep, to the extent that I wake in agony. I then cannot move, as the slightest force in any direction causes utter burning agony in the knee joint. The first few times it happened, it was literally an hour before I could get up. I now know to reverse whatever movement it was that got me into the contortion, but even that can't be done in a hurry. This was starting to get too much, so I went to the doctor who then referred me to a physiotherapist. Turns out that my right leg has become totally enfeebled since my ankle got crushed back in February 2008! Instead of fighting to get healthy & strong once the injury had healed enough, I carried on my unhealthy lifestyle - too much lazing and smoking. The times I did make some kind of effort and actually go for a jog, invariably I'd hurt myself again through not warming up properly or just general systemic weakness :-(

I've persisted with my unfit lifestyle, and over the last 2 weeks my physical state has been deteriorating even further. Gut/small intestine problems, leading to arthritis in finger joints, then a torn tendon in my arm, leading to a strained one in the other wrist. What a disaster area! And on top of this, it's been painfully clear that Satan is using my fleshly weaknesses to keep me from writing my book, which is something I'm totally committed to and really want to get cracking on. So, purely for want of self-discipline I'm giving Satan the opportunities to hamper God's work.

It's been clear enough what's going on, that it's time I set aside the smoking and got fighting fit again. Then tonight I went to look up a reference in the Greek interlinear New Testament. Over the page, my eyes were drawn straight to Hebrews 12:4. The text spoke directly to me, down through to verse 15. As is Jehovah's way, He has confirmed the lesson being given by means of His Word. And shown where it is leading: "Hence straighten up the hands that hang down and the enfeebled knees, and keep making straight paths for your feet, that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather that it may be healed."